Dear Friends,
Last Sunday I was privileged to be at the TSTI booth during the North Jersey Pride Festival. I was thrilled to see so many people of all ages there. Everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. There was such a warm, communal feeling, and while there were about 5000 people present, there was no visible police presence and no need for it. More than once I thought to myself, “This is proof that, even in 2023, there can be diverse gatherings in which the mutual respect for each and every person is palpable.”
I was still on a bit of a high at being reminded that I have the privilege of living in a community where we strive to celebrate each person and family for who they are when a friend emailed to ask if I had, “heard about the bakery in West Orange that refused to make cupcakes.” I had not, but I quickly learned some of the details. It seems a family placed an order for a rainbow-frosted cake and cupcakes for a Pride celebration. The order was accepted but a few days before the event, the store contacted the purchaser to cancel the order. They gave no reason at the time but it quickly became apparent that the order was cancelled due to its Pride theme.
I was shocked and saddened. While I know this has happened in other parts of the country I hadn’t expected it here. Then I learned that the bakery in question is a kosher bakery, and as a result, the bias was coming from within our Jewish community.
It’s been on my mind ever since.
I was speaking to a friend about this and the ensuing conversation helped clarify my perspective a bit.
My friend is an outspoken ally and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, but also enjoys playing devil’s advocate. I expressed my upset at the bakery’s decision in its own right, but also my worry about what would happen if the same mindset was applied to other situations. “If someone can defend the West Orange bakery’s decision as an expression of ‘religious freedom,’ where does it end? What if a bakery is owned by fundamentalist Christians who, because they do no believe that Jews are ‘saved,’ refused to bake a cake for a Bar Mitzvah? What if the owners feel similarly toward Muslims? Or interracial couples? Where does it stop?”
My devil’s advocate friend replied, “But just for argument’s sake, are those all the same? I mean, isn’t the Torah clear in its position on homosexuality?”
I took a few deep breaths and then replied,
“Yes, there is a line that refers to homosexuality with the Hebrew word toevah—abomination. But you know what? Proverbs 12:22 refers to dishonesty as toevah/an abomination. Proverbs 16:5 refers to pride using the same term. Deuteronomy 14 refers to eating non-Kosher animals as an abomination.” I continued, “According to Deuteronomy 25:16, cheating in business is an abomination. And Ezekiel 18:10–13 uses the same term to describe improper lending practices and the mistreatment of the poor and the needy. My point is this: There are numerous things that are proscribed in the Torah and referred to using the same term you referred to with regard to the cake, yet people tend to focus on one or two prohibited actions and denigrate other people based on the Biblical text while ignoring the rest. If someone is picking and choosing in this way, I think it is safe to say that they began with the conclusion and then looked for a religious prooftext to back up their bias. That’s a misuse and abuse of religious text.”
I paused for a moment and said,
“Look, if I’m being honest, we all pick and choose which sacred texts we embrace and which we ignore. I try to focus on those texts that remind us that each person we meet is created in the Divine image. I’m going to ‘pick and choose’ those texts that talk about kindness, responsibility and care for the vulnerable. If by contrast, you CHOOSE to focus on the Biblical texts that exclude people, that denigrate others or are hurtful and judgmental, you aren’t religious. You’re simply a bigot.”
Last Sunday was a celebration of people, of community, of love and of acceptance. I was thrilled to be part of it and grateful for the reminder that strong, safe, accepting communities can still exist. But as that bakery reminded me, we still have a lot of work to do.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Daniel Cohen