Dear Friends,
Earlier this week, my Uncle Gerry, my mother‘s older brother, died at the age of 92. Uncle Gerry was an amazing guy who lived a full life and was loved by his family. When I had the honor of officiating his daughter, my cousin, Courtney’s, wedding some years ago, I was struck by how many friends and colleagues he had. Clearly, my uncle was a people collector.
When I called my Aunt Carol to express my condolences and reminisce a bit she said, “I was just thinking about when you were a kid, visited us in Florida, and took an unexpected swim.”
We both had a good laugh.
She was referring to an “incident” that occurred when I was just seven or eight. I was visiting them in Florida and we had just come back from dinner. I was wearing my finest velour leisure suit (It was the 70’s. Don’t ask.) As we walked past the pool, we started joking about who would throw who into the pool. Next thing I knew, my dry-clean-only suit and I were treading water in the deep end.
More than 50 years later, we’re still laughing at it.
I got off the phone and started thinking about moments I shared with my uncle. There were the packed fishing boats we took from a pier in New Jersey to go fishing for fluke. There were the overly fast drives in his 240Z. And there were the times when he and I played off one another with the unspoken goal of riling my mother up. (After all, he WAS the big brother, and I was her middle son.)
The memories of Uncle Gerry have flooded in, and as I thought of them, I realized they all had one thing in common— they all happened in person. Sure, we spoke on the phone every now and then, but every memory I have of him is from a moment when we were actually together.
We often speak of “Facebook Friends” and our “online community,” but when you stop and think about it, truly memorable moments rarely, if ever, occur online. Instead, the moments we remember are the ones that happen when we are physically and emotionally together. Certainly, online, virtual interactions have their place, especially when our mobility is limited. Still, I suspect that if I asked you to think about truly meaningful online interactions that occurred more than a few days ago, most of us would come up empty-handed. Those interactions rarely create the lifelong memories that come from being together and sharing experiences.
This Shabbat, try putting down the phone and being fully present for the people you are with. The memories you make may last a lifetime… and you won’t even have to get thrown into the pool!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Daniel M Cohen